So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
