We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize