The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
