i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
