I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i came on her dog
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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