im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will be naked everywhere
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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