You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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