people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
