I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize