i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
