Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
