piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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