Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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