We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
