There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
