I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
