The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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