Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
