Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
a search helicopter?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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