I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
