The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
