Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
