If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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