tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
