Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate your face
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize