I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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