the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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