This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
