Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
