I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
