i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
