I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
