Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize