what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
