Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
