They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
