i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize