you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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