This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
