The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
