So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
