I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
