i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
