we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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