i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
