After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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