You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
