My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
