i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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