Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
