dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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