i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
