Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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