Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
