i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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