btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
