OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
