I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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