After last night, I could never be a politician.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
