I haven't been this sober since birth.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
