I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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