i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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