I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I need moral support for this bender
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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