He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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