And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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