I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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