We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
