if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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