she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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