I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my poor anus
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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