Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
