apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
