It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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