the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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