So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
