yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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