i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
