somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
