I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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