I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
