Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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