I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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