i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
