Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
