Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
