you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
