Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
