Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Enjoy the penises
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
