Im at strip club and am horny
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
