the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
