this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
