Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
