I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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