I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
