You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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