Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
