i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
