Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
