Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
