I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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