I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
