My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
