I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
