I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a search helicopter?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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