i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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